How I long for you

I swear on all that’s holly that sometimes I can almost feel your warmth around my tired body

How I long to rest my heavy head on your shoulder

You’re tall , taller than me My head fits perfectly on your shoulder

I lift my nose and smell the crook of your neck

Fuck, you smell like home to me

Sometimes when I walk down the street I swear I can smell your perfume

I keep looking for you in those crowds till day turns into night

I can never find you and all that I’m left with  is soar feet

When I am all alone in this empty house all I long for is the sound of your voice

“Bring me a beer”

I’d never thought that those are words I would ever want to hear but I’m willing to walk till my feet bleed just to bring you that beer

I’m so afraid of this empty house, so exhausted from this empty bed

Yesterday I broke the other chair, I hated looking at that empty chair each time I ate a meal

I eat in my bed these days , that dinning room feels like a haunted house

I keep hearing whispers of conversations that will never be

I’m so afraid of dying all alone in this monster of a bed that I can no longer fall asleep

I long for the way you’d touch my forehead, the bridge of my nose and my ears,memorizing each outline

I long for the way you’d play with my hair until I fall asleep

I want to fall asleep

Sleep used to be the only way to escape my fear

but my bed is too empty and my pillow is too cold

How I wish I can fall asleep

Maybe then you’d visit it me in my dreams and I can slip my leg between yours, hug you close and listen to your heart beat

How I long for eternal sleep.